[source]

Brutally invasive Shark tracker Michael Domeier, who beats the living hell out of Isla Guadeloupe's White Shark population, is claiming that his research may prove that Great Whites migrate 1,600 miles into the open ocean to, as the LA Times puts it: "do battle with" Giant Squids. While this conjures up some pretty damn sweet images, and many cool tattoo design ideas, the data is far from conclusive. The fact that White Sharks have been tracked to the deep Squid-based ecosystems is cool, but let's not script the next Shark Week hyperdoc yet. Domeier's hypothesis is not even completely original; scientists have been spreading rumors about White Sharks and Giant Squids for years.

This bears repeating from the LA Times article because it is pretty damn important:

Shark scientists face a dilemma: There is intense popular interest in their work, but some fret that it may hinder conservation. Media interest in sharks tends to be "sparse on detail, high on testosterone," said marine biologist Weng. "It's as if aliens were to visit planet Earth, and the only thing they saw of human beings was ultimate fighting on TV."

Thanks to Idle Weiss for reminding me about this story.

Oh, and I still don't know how to feel about this:

--Sharky

NEVER, EVER, CONFUSE THE TWO.

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Our host migration is now complete. Since our new host allows Adult Content, we can now get back in the business of Sharks and assorted wildlife without fear of being shut down for calling dipshits, dipshits; assholes, assholes; or Republicans, Republicans.

Thanks for sticking around, Chumslickers.

Love (seriously),

--Sharky

There will be some changes around here. We can't get into any details until the changes are made. Don't panic.

Actually, who am I to tell you not to panic? You can all do whatever you want.

--Sharky

"They" are now attempting to claim that it was SeaWorld's Dawn Brancheau's long ponytail that caused Tillikum the Orca to jam her to death. Chuck Tompkins, SeaWorld's "curator" of zoological operations, said that Dawn's hair may have tickled Tillikum's nose, prompting him to jam. Really? I am sure that the aggression had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that Tillikum is a bull 6-ton wild animal with an intelligence level deeper than most Tea Partiers who is being kept captive in the marine version of a damp closet in order to thrill tourists by splashing them with dirty canned salt water. Yeah, this wouldn't piss him off at all.

Well, on the other hand...ponytails can be annoying.

Orcas are not trick Ponies.

--El Tiburon

A female SeaWorld employee got jammed to death by Tillikum the Orca in Orlando today. Initial reports say that the woman was grabbed during a performance while she was explaining what "tricks" the Whales were about to perform.

The whale "took off really fast in the tank, and then he came back, shot up in the air, grabbed the trainer by the waist and started thrashing around, and one of her shoes flew off."

[LA Times]

While the show was canceled and Shamu Stadium evacuated, the park remains open. Isn't that nice of them?

Tilly is quite the partier. In 1991 he was accused of drowning a trainer at Sealand of the Pacific in British Columbia. Shortly after, Tilly was sold to SeaWorld for stud purposes. In 1999, he was found in his tank playing with a dead man who may have jumped in the tank in the middle of the night. Why should anyone be surprised when a 12,000 pound male Orca confined to a cage its entire life gets pissy once in a while? It is nearly unheard of for an Orca to harass human beings in the wild, but they often take out their anger on people while in captivity. Does anyone need a PhD in animal behavior to figure out why? These are one of the most intelligent species on earth and have a large range of habitat at their disposal...the problem is that there habitat does not include inland Orlando, Florida.

How smart are Orcas? Check it out (please excuse the Animal Planet sensationalism):

Orcas do not belong in captivity. Either do Dolphins or anything else smarter-than-your-average-American-voter/consumer.

--El Tiburon