Stephen Schafer, a 39-year-old kiteboarder, was jammed fatally by one or more Sharks while kiteboarding off Stuart Beach, Florida yesterday. It has yet to be released what species did the jamming. As all the Chum Slickers know, Florida is the jammingest place on Earth; but most of these jams, are quick little numbers, nonfatal, usually Blacktip or Spinner Shark related. The fact that Stephen bled out means that a larger species did the jamming. All the regular researchers players--George Burgess, Neil Hammerschlag, Grant Gilmore--they are all weighing in, but there has not been a definitive answer about the species. Gilmore thinks it may be a juvenile White Shark...this would be pretty rare for those waters...watch this:

Dig the redonkulously sensationalistic horror movie graphics? We know that you don't.

Thanks to CL for pointing out the absurdity of the following comment:

"I've never heard of multiple sharks in this area surrounding someone and fatally wounding him," said Teague Taylor, 36, a childhood friend. "He was the nicest person ever."

[LA Times]

--Sharky

The 82nd Academy Awards nominations have been released. Louie Psihoyos's The Cove has been nominated for Best Documentary. The Coveis important because it finally brings to mainstream awareness the brutal yearly Dolphin Slaughter in Taiji, Japan. Famous freedivers Kirk Krack and Mandy-Rae Cruickshank and the Ocean Preservation Society planted underwater cameras and microphones disguised as rocks in order to get a Dolphin's-eye view of the filth. The Cove has so angered Japanese authorities for exposing their secret to the world and the rest of Japan, that they are considering suing Louie Psihoyos and the rest of the filmmakers. Let's hope that happens, because the only thing that will get more publicity for the film, would be if they were nominated for an Academy Award. Oh wait, they were. So now, let's hope they win. We all need to be reminded of this atrocity until it stops.

Oh, and to all you Dolphin freaks out there. Don't think that just because you aren't part of the Taiji Dolphin slaughter that you aren't part of the problem. Do you go to Sea World and other marine parks that feature Dolphin shows? Where do you think those Dolphins come from. They are not nearly all captive-bred. One of the most profitable sidelines of the Taiji Dolphin business is selling some of the healthier specimens to water parks.

More.

--El Tiburon

We have been getting some mail and comments asking us how The Chum Slick can be written by an actual Shark. How can a Shark type? How can a Shark get internet access, etc.? For those that don't already know, here is the truth--The Chum Slick is not actually written by an actual Shark. It is written by a man who channels an actual Shark. He is known as He-Who-Channels-Sharky and this is his story:

Two years ago a man was drinking in Ensenada. He blacked out and he woke up with a shark-tooth necklace around his neck. He was excited about the necklace, because he had always thought Sharks were cool ever since he saw the movie Jaws as a kid. He asked his "drinking buddies" where it came from and if they had been responsible for its appearance, but they collectively and individually swore that they had never seen it before in their lives.

When the man got back to the states, he took the necklace to a shell shop at the beach to see if they could tell him what species of shark the tooth belonged to. They said that they had never seen a tooth like it before. The man took the tooth to the Scripps Oceanographic Institute in La Jolla California and spoke to a Professor McElphresh. The Professor was the head of the (tiny) Department of Ichtheo-Paleobiology at Scripps. He told the man that he had never seen that type of tooth before, but the small white stone in the setting of the tooth was a rare gem called a philosopher's moonstone. The professor then began acting suspiciously and started wrestling with the man. The tooth had to be his! The man kicked the professor in the testicles, and then, putting the tooth back around his neck, he was filled with a the compulsion to do something he had never done before. He tried to stop himself, but he could not. He bit the struggling professor on the face.

Upon getting home, the man sat down in front of his computer and began typing. The words flew through him as if they weren't his own, as the man was barely literate himself. When he was done typing, he signed the narrative..."Love, Sharky." HE WAS CHANNELING THE MIND AND SPIRIT OF A GREAT WHITE SHARK!

Sharky doesn't maintain his websites with his own pectoral fins or with his jaws, his thoughts are channeled through the one who wields the tooth.

This is the man.

Now that Howard Zinn and J.D. Salinger are dead, there are so very few of us left,

--Sharky

Animal Rights Activist Emily McCourt jammed a tofu cream pie in the face of Canadian Fisheries Minister Gail Shea as she spoke in Burlington, Ontario. Shea is an outspoken cheerleader for the Canadian Seal Hunt, and is currently in negotiations with Chinese diplomats in an attempt to save the annual Seal hunt from economic obsolescence. The European Union recently banned Canadian Seal products, and now Canada is flailing around desperately for new markets. The Chinese move is smart because China's animal rights record makes their human rights record look progressive. There is probably a market for every conceivable animal product in China because cruelty is not a recognized noun there. One of the products up for trade between Canada and China: Seal penis.

In a statement following Gail Shea's pie job, PETA executive vice-president Tracy Reiman said:

"A little tofu pie on her face is hardly comparable to the blood on Ms. Shea's hands."

[source]

As for Emily McCourt: she was charged with assault and is expected to appear on court early next week.

We were going to load this post with graphic photos of bloody Seals and the troglodytes that bludgeon them to death for pennies, but frankly we are sick of them.

But if you are interested:

EU Gives Canada the Hakapik

EU Tells Canada Where to Shove Their Fur

Clubber Please

Canada: A Civilized Country

"I'm asked why we put so much effort into an industry that doesn't return a big amount of money, but that amount of money means a lot to small communities in Canada and that's why we support the seal hunt, and besides that, this industry has a lot of potential to grow. We are going to be very aggressive on this because this is very culturally important."

[Gail Shea]

If the Seal hunt is so culturally important, is this a culture worth saving?

--Sharky

Australian Environmental Minister Peter Garrett--yeah, the old lead singer from Midnight Oil--was slated to list three endangered Shark species for federal fishing protection, but he bent over to recreational and charter Shark fishing operators. The species that were supposed to be protected were the Longfin Mako, Shortfin Mako, and Porbeagle Shark. All three species are listed as Vulnerable by the International Union for the Conservation of Nature. These Sharks have also been internationally listed as protected under the international Convention on Migratory Species (CMS). As a signatory to the treaty Australia is legally obligated to protect the species listed in the treaty. Under the urging pressure and influence of fishing interests Peter Garrett is delaying these protections as long as possible. Fishermen are claiming that Australia's Shark populations are entirely separate populations from the vulnerable Sharks. This is a dangerous legal premise and hard to prove scientifically. For the sake of biodiversity, declining Shark populations, and Australia's remarkable wildlife in general, Peter Garrett should grab hold of his sagging bald testicles and do the right thing.

This is the thing that CMS wants to regulate.

For more on Peter Garrett and his failures as an Environmental Minister:

Ozzie Ozzie Ozzie, No No No!

Or just Google him. You will see.

--Sharky