Wayne Johnson, Frankie Gonzales, Andrew Noel, Theron Parker, and William Secor all plead not guilty today to charges stemming from their killing of a Gray Whale last month. They have claimed that as they are all tribal Makah Indians they are allowed under a 19th century treaty to hunt and kill Whales. The problem is, killing Whales is illegal. The Makah were allowed to kill one Whale in 1999. They did, and much of the Whale meat went to waste. Why did the Whale meat go to waste? Because Whale meat does not taste good to people. Most Makah did not want to eat it so they were forced to try to sell it roadside and at restaurants to "regular white people" who didn't want it either. The Makah have not been granted authority by the federal government or their own tribal government since. Wayne Johnson and his douchey entourage killed a Gray Whale anyway. Their trial is bound to be a hoot. They will claim that whaling is their tradition and that the United States government is discriminating against their culture. I guess jamming on Whales with guns that have only been in existence since 1982 is traditional too. It's traditional for Americans to drive around in gas-guzzling deathmobiles. It's also traditional for Mormons to practice Polygamy.

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Look, the Australian government is now making anti-whaling propaganda and directing it at Japanese schoolchildren. Way to go Environment Minister Malcolm Turnbull!

Predictably the Japanese are pissed. Oh well, stop killing Whales and serving their mercury-laced shit-tasting meat to your children.

In more civilized news--The naming contest for the baby Pacific Walrus born at Coney Island's New York Aquarium in June is over. The winning name: That’s the name bestowed by popular vote on the Pacific Walrus born at the New York Aquarium on Coney Island in June.

The winning name: Akituusaq. It means “gift given in return” in the Yupik Eskimo language.

Enter: Akituusaq!

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I too am a gift given in return,

--El Tiburon

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