Hey Sharky, where the hell have you been?

That is a valid question. He-Who-Channels-Sharky is a busy Shark Channeler. He is in grad school AGAIN, futility trying to make ends meet with his pathetic freelancing wages, and is faced with crushing familial obligations. Most of you would attend a rally, throw a fundraiser, or at least sign a petition in his support if you truly caught a whiff of that horror. The pressure is Chinese-Bile-Bearesque.

Can any of you offer me any work, or a career opportunity, or kick open a door for me? You know my REAL QUALIFICATIONS.

--Sharky

In lieu of any of that, if anyone has any spare cash or gifts lying around, I can take them too. I can't pay my goddamn internet bill.

Yeah, taxes suck ass. There is nothing worse than funding public education and maintaining infrastructure...except this:

Last weekend a crazy 32-year-woman jumped into the Polar Bear enclosure at the Berlin Zoo. She swam happily with four adult Polar Bears for a few moments before they decided to weed her out of the gene pool. She survived, "BEARLY."

Watch:

Unfortunately, Knut was not involved.

Taxes, we pay them because if we didn't...we'd all be speaking German right now.

--Sharky

Remember back when we had the time to be clever?

--Sharky

There are commercial fishermen in the Northern Territories of Australia that are taking it upon themselves to KILL ENDANGERED SAWFISH by the dozens! Fisheries Minister Kon Vatskalis has closed the Fog Bay area to commercial fishermen for 90 days after seeing the remains of dozens of Sawfish. He also banned commercial fishing from the Finniss River and Bynoe Harbor because dead Sawfish were found there as well. This is what is happening. Commercial fishermen are finding live Sawfish in their nets. In order to rid themselves of this ENDANGERED nuisance, they are breaking the backs of the life fish and dropping them back into the water to die. The pictures were taken by amateur fishermen.

"When I saw these pictures, I was absolutely horrified. These fishermen, so-called fishermen, took the fish out of the water and broke their back and threw them back in the water dead."

[Kon Vatskalis]

The person or persons that committed this atrocity was confronted and told to stop. But he was photographed killing Sawfish several days later. This is why the ban was enacted. Here is the deal. This ban on fishing is going to put a lot of legitimate commercial fishermen out of work. They should be really pissed off at the person or persons that have been killing the Sawfish, especially since the person or persons were warned. If the authorities are not going to put a stop to the killing, perhaps the commercial fishermen should police their own industry. Perhaps the legitimate fishermen in the area should...uh...put a bit of pressure on the Sawfish-killing scumbags. How's that for a good market-driven solution?
Sawfish are awesome. Murdering assholes are not.

There is a fine tradition of vigilante justice at sea. Fishermen know this. Why do you think the Alaskan Crab and the Maine Lobster fisheries run so smoothly? If any scumbag threatens the livelihoods of the others...they, um...disappear.

Here is a message to the legitimate commercial fishermen of the Northern Territory. Police your own industry. Deal with the problem. Get your fisheries back.

The truth,

--Sharky

World of Warcraft has teamed up with PETA and programmed an event this weekend that will allow Alliance players--those are the "good" guys--to defend baby Seals from Horde players--those are the "bad" guys--who are out to crush the skulls of Baby Seals.

Here's what you need to know in order to battle:

* You must be in the WhisperWind realm in order to fight. Visit WorldofWarcraft.com if you need information about how to switch into this realm.
* Once in the WhisperWind realm, go to Northrend, where you will find a zone called Howling Fjord, where the baby seals live on glaciers and boats float in the fjords. This will be the battleground to stop the slaughter. (Note: You must be at least a Level 70 player in order to enter Howling Fjord.)
* The battle will take place on Saturday, April 11, at 1 p.m. EST.

[PETA]

What does all this shit mean? If you don't already know about World of Warcraft or MMORPGs in general, congrats! This probably means you lost your virginity at a healthy age. So here it is in simple, non-nerd terms. There is this huge video game that millions of people pay money each month to play. They are now promoting an anti-sealing agenda in game. Here is how the in-game story goes: The Horde--the bad guys--are trying to defend their right to hunt seals because it is their tradition...sound familiar. While the Alliance--is there to stop them. Keep in mind that the Horde consists of zombies, orcs, cow-beasts, trolls, and homoerotic Anime elves. Yeah, yeah, still lost? Just know this. World of Warcraft is now making media and propaganda history. This is the first time a video game is being used to overtly promote the agenda of an NGO. Is this awesome? Y/N. The answer is Y. And there is plenty of silly ass video to document the whole thing.

This PETA/World of Warcraft crossover news has made me almost happy enough to forget that the EU DESPITE THEIR PROMISES is dragging their ass at banning Seal products like they said they were going to. Meanwhile, the headbashing continues.

--Ms Sharky

P.S. Before we get flamed by a bunch of WOW-nerds, we have to say that when we used to play the game, we played Horde characters. Why? Because being bad guys in imaginary world is cool. Being bad guys in the real world sucks...by the way...Alliance players suck.