We leave town for the weekend and the whole fucking town falls apart.

Here is some good news...sort of:

39-year-old Super-lifeguard Marius Mironescu rescued a 2-foot "sand shark"--we think this means Sand Tiger Shark--from an unruly and snarling mob of rejects at Brooklyn's famed and gentrification-endangered Coney Island. People had pulled the Shark out of the surf and were "hitting him" and "smacking his face." Marius took the Shark from them and swam it out into the surf before releasing it into the sea.

Those fuckers on the beach were lucky we were on vacation this weekend because Coney Island is our 'hood and if we had been home we would have made that beach look worse than the the USS Indianapolis tragedy. Marius Mironescu, you are a gentleman and a scholar and have beautiful big balls. Enjoy your life time of Shark bite-free ocean swimming. As for the rest of you troglodytes on the beach...we're gonna send these guys out to beat your asses all the way back to the F Train:

Read.

Also in the city--there has been a lot of drama about a 5-to-7-foot Thresher Shark down at Queens's own Rockaway Beach.

The Shark washed up on the beach on Saturday, obviously sick from being molested by fishermen or boaters and a crowd--in sharp contrast to the behavior of the Coney Island barbarians--pushed it back out to sea. Unfortunately though, the next morning the sick Thresher Shark was found washed up dead on the beach. At least it died without being slapped silly by a bunch of atavistic Coney Island colostomy-baggers.

Read.

Also over Labor Day, an 8.5-foot Thresher Shark washed up sick and died in Atlantic City. It is believed that this Thresher had also been caught and injured by fishermen, but it is possible that the Shark upon realizing that it was in Atlantic City simply died of depression.

Atlantic City: Try Us, You'll Hate It Too!

Sometimes you feel like a douche, sometimes ya don't,

--Ms Sharky

technorati tags: Brooklyn, Queens, Rockaway Beach, Coney Island, gentrification, Sand Shark, Sand Tiger Shark, Thresher Shark, mob mentality, barbarians, fishing, boating, swimming, lifeguards, The Warriors, Walter Hill, film, gangs, Marius Mironescu, NYC, New York City, F Train, New York City Subway, MTA, animal cruelty, Sharks, New York City Beaches, New Jersey, Atlantic City, gambling, casinos