This is why you should all move to Kansas.

We never really wanted to become one of those alien apocalypse, unspeakable cult, biological black magic blogs, but what are you gonna do? When the evidence presents itself, we have to evolve (or is it devolve?) with the times. Undersea earthquakes? Mass wildlife beachings? Now "previously unknown" slime invasions? The Chukchi Sea between Wainwright and Barrow, Alaska is under siege by a 25-mile-long strand of an unidentified but live slimy mass. It is not oil or anything believed to be man made.

Here are some witness quotes:

"It's pitch black when it hits ice and it kind of discolors the ice and hangs off of it. There were some jellyfish tangled up in the stuff, and someone turned in what was left of a dead goose -- just bones and feathers -- to the borough's wildlife department. It kind of has an odor; I can't describe it."
--Gordon Brower with the North Slope Borough's Planning and Community Services Department

"It's certainly biological. It's definitely not an oil product of any kind. It has no characteristics of an oil, or a hazardous substance, for that matter. It's definitely, by the smell and the makeup of it, it's some sort of naturally occurring organic or otherwise marine organism."
--Petty Officer 1st Class Terry Hasenauer

“It was a terrible, indescribable thing vaster than any subway train – a shapeless congeries of protoplasmic bubbles, faintly self-luminous, and with myriads of temporary eyes forming and un-forming as pustules of greenish light all over the tunnel-filling front that bore down upon us, crushing the frantic penguins and slithering over the glistening floor that it and its kind had swept so evilly free of all litter.”
--H. P. Lovecraft, At The Mountains of Madness

Maybe this is why Sarah Palin is abandoning Alaska? Maybe she knows something the rest of us don't? It could happen. Especially if she has been getting inside intel from some dark whisperers in the middle of the night, i.e. phone calls from Karl Rove's office.

Consider yourself trice-warned. Oh, and have a swell weekend.

--El Tiburon